For children in open adoptions, the toughest challenge may come when a birth parent who’s been visiting or calling suddenly vanishes or drifts away. The trigger can be a move to a new job, a marriage, or a personal problem, such as drugs or alcohol. In some cases, a birth mother may not feel worthy of contact, or she may get the message from the adoptive parents that she’s not welcome.
When the birth mother has narrowed down her prospective adoptive parents to one or a few families, normally they arrange to meet in person.[13][14] Good adoption agencies and attorneys do this in a pressure-free setting where no one is encouraged to make an immediate decision. If they are geographically distant from each other (as some adoptions are interstate, with the birth mother living in a different state from the adoptive parents), the first meeting will normally be by phone, then advance to a face-to-face meeting if the meeting by phone went as well as hoped.[15]
“The challenge we have is getting the media and people outside our immediate family to understand that open adoption is the best choice we’ve ever made,” said Jill Dillon, a resident of southern Oregon, whose daughter, Carly, is eight years old. “We feel that it’s a healthy, safe way for our child to grow up, knowing her birth family and her ‘real’ family, as we think of ourselves.”

American Adoptions, a private adoption agency founded on the belief that lives of children can be bettered through adoption, provides safe adoption services to children, birth parents and adoptive families by educating, supporting and coordinating necessary services for adoptions throughout the United States. For more information on American Adoptions, please call 1-800-ADOPTION (236-7846)
“Although I’m very open, [his birth mother] drops into and out of our lives as she needs to,” Miller said. After one long absence, when her son was nine years old, she paid for his birth mother to fly from Colorado to California and stay with them for ten days. Miller doesn’t give up, she said, “because I think we need to honor the pieces that we didn’t provide in the makeup of the child.”
Decades ago, virtually all adoptions were closed. A closed adoption means that there is no contact whatsoever between the birthparents and the adoptive parents and child after the adoption takes place. In fact, there may also be no contact before the adoption. Nowadays, however, the trend in the United States is toward open adoptions, in which all the parties to an adoption meet and often remain in each other's lives.
What is Domestic Adoption? - ArticlesAdopting a Child: What it Means, How it Works and Why You ShouldHow U.S. Adoption WorksWhat is Private Adoption? Adopt a Baby with American Adoptions Do You Want to Adopt a Newborn Baby?How to Adopt a Child - The Domestic Adoption ProcessWhy Adopt? 23 Reasons to Adopt a ChildDomestic vs. International AdoptionOur Domestic Adoption ProgramsMinimizing Adoption Wait TimesMore . . .
Adoptive parents may be less likely to consider the possibility that they are doing something wrong, and blame the child's heredity. The parents may even unfavorably compare their adopted child with a near-perfect, genetically-related "fantasy" child. This enables them to blame ordinary problems which all parents face on their child's supposedly "defective" genes. Thus, while non-adoptive parents are focused on nurture, some adoptive parents are solely focused on nature (i.e. heredity) instead. This results in what could have been an easily resolved problem, going unresolved in families with adopted children, possibly accompanied by child abuse.[5]
American Adoptions, a private adoption agency founded on the belief that lives of children can be bettered through adoption, provides safe adoption services to children, birth parents and adoptive families by educating, supporting and coordinating necessary services for adoptions throughout the United States. For more information on American Adoptions, please call 1-800-ADOPTION (236-7846)

 AdoptUSKids is operated by the Adoption Exchange Association and is made possible by grant number 90CO1133 from the Children's Bureau. The contents of this website are solely the responsibility of the Adoption Exchange Association and do not necessarily represent the official views of the Children's Bureau, ACYF, ACF, or HHS. Find out more about us. 

Open adoption means there is an ongoing direct relationship between the child and the birth family. Friends in Adoption (FIA) adheres to Hospitious Adoption. Jim Gritter, the author of Hospitious Adoption takes the approach that practicing goodwill, respect, and courage within the realm of open adoption makes the process move smoother and enriches children’s lives. Each adoption is unique, and degrees of openness vary from adoption to adoption depending on the comfort level of those involved. All FIA families are open to open adoption.
A semi-open adoption in Texas allows you to stay in contact with the adoptive family through American Adoptions without having to share identifying information like your last name or home address. American Adoptions can mediate contact of a semi-open adoption for up to 18 years. However, most adoptive parents and birth parents today share a more open adoption, which involves direct communication without the agency’s involvement.

Although pre-birth openness is becoming routine in newborn adoptions there are more variations in the years following the birth, after the adoption has been completed.[15] Some birth mothers want to get to know the adoptive parents before the birth, but then wish to go "their own way" in life thereafter. Getting to know the adoptive family gives her confidence in the placement and the knowledge she can feel secure in the child's future with the parents (or single parent) she selected. The birth mother may feel that future contact with the adoptive parents, or the child, would be emotionally difficult for her.[18]

“A lot of birth parents went into it thinking it was a privilege to them,” said Brenda Romanchik, executive director of Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support, an adoption education and support organization in Royal Oak, Michigan. “So when things got tough, they thought, this isn’t working for me, so I’m going to leave. They didn’t take the child into account.”
Keep in mind that adoption relationships are ever evolving. One adoption may be fully open and then the birth mother decides to limit contact, while another adoption may be semi-open and then both the birth parents and adoptive family decide to engage in a more open adoption. While American Adoptions does require adoptive parents to be open to a certain standard of communication, what your adoption communication will look like will ultimately depend on the preferences of the pregnant woman who chooses you.
What is Domestic Adoption? - ArticlesAdopting a Child: What it Means, How it Works and Why You ShouldHow U.S. Adoption WorksWhat is Private Adoption? Adopt a Baby with American Adoptions Do You Want to Adopt a Newborn Baby?How to Adopt a Child - The Domestic Adoption ProcessWhy Adopt? 23 Reasons to Adopt a ChildDomestic vs. International AdoptionOur Domestic Adoption ProgramsMinimizing Adoption Wait TimesMore . . .
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